The demon´s year

So it has almost exactly been a year since my demon settled in my body. I took up the fight with him and won. If it just has been a battle or the war is still to be seen. Like every true warrior my body has taken damage and will always keep scars. The ones you can see on my skin, the ones you can´t see on my soul and the ones that will always stay with my body like being infertile. I will keep on struggling with the aftermath of the fight against my demon and will be haunted by fears of him returning. I´m still paying the price for getting to stay alive cause nothing worth having comes free.

The last year was in the sign of the demon and I wrote this blog about it. Now I want to move on, leaving my demon behind. This also means finishing this blog. I don´t have cancer anymore, what do I need a cancer blog for? When I started writing I googled some other cancer blogs to see how other people were dealing with it. It was so sad and depressing to see how many of them ended with an obituary or just a RIP. 
I´m happy that mine won´t. I´m so grateful that mine won´t. I know how lucky I was that my therapy went so smoothly. I met another woman through one of them cancer forums, she´s not so different from me. And she´s having it harder than me and things aren´t looking so bright for her. So remember, your life may be hard, but always could be harder. So suck it up and keep smiling, cause you know what? You´re still alive. You´re healthy and your heart is beating. You get to live your dreams and see where this rollercoaster called life is taking you. Don´t you waste it! I´ve hopefully reached the end of my hellride and I said it before, so many months ago, and it still is as true as ever: YOLO, bitches!! :)

Maybe I´ll write some short threads about my future remission controls but let´s hope you won´t hear no more from me here. Cause that means the war is finally over and won.

It´s already been three months...?

I just had my second remission control and so far things are looking good. The therapy to get there was tough shit andmy body is far from being back to 100%.

Then WHAT?!?! Jeez, finish that sentence, will you??

My lung function is not good, my immune system hasn´t caught on yet (which means all of the vaccines I´m taking care of getting could be for nothing), I still have neuropathy and hence drop shit, have shaky hands and bad balance, slow lil bastards thrombocytes are still lagging behind and don´t even get me started on chemo brain. My spleen is still too big (but surely no sign of a recurrence. Suuuurely!) which sometimes still leaves me feeling sick and like throwing up. I have a small knot on my thyroid (still, surely no sign of any cancerous action. Suuuurely!) and fatigue still strikes sometimes.
However, I´m proud to announce that I´m not taking any more painkillers right now though I still have pain in my leg from the shingles. But the perception of pain is relative now, isn´t it? ;)

I´m actually feeling better than my medical record is telling I should. Which makes it twice as hard to acknowledge days I feel bad and take it slow. I need to remind myself that I´m still not a healthy person, even though I don´t have any signs of cancer right now. I will still have to go to remission control every three months but I´m very sure that I would be the first to know if my demon was back and I don´t need a MRT or CT to tell me that.