#youmakemarksad

Having cancer feels like deactivating your Facebook account. One minute you´re part of a group of people, having a life, sharing your experiences with your friends and jeeez you have soo many friends! And the next... it´s all gone. And nobody ever notices that you´re no longer on Facebook taking part in all those things. They all keep on living their awesome lives, posting about it, making plans. And you have to answer to Mark Zuckerberg why the hell you want to leave Facebook. Cause nobody ever leaves Facebook.

Why, Anja, whyyy??

Yes, your life has been put on "deactivated". Wanted to go on a festival this year? Forget it! Vacation in Iceland? Erm, maybe next year. Your projects at work? Yeah, somenone else will have to do that. Instead of a life you have cancer. What a great tradeoff!

My link to the outside world!

I thought that I would only be facing isolation at the end of my treatment when all my stem cells have left the sinking ship after BEAM (something to look forward to!). But I already feel like in isolation now at home. Day in, day out it´s the same. Pain and bad blood values hinder you from going out (and if you dare to like go to a concert you will pay for it double and triple the next days. But still, totally worth it! \m/), so all that´s left is people come visit you or at least write you messages... Like, any minute now. When´s the last time I checked my phone? Oh. Two minutes ago. Still nothing? Lemme check that again.

Woah wait, that´s too exciting!

Chemo days or blood check ups are actually a nice change to everyday of... nothing. Reading books? Too exhausting. Working? Not allowed. Gaming? Been there, done that (only game that doesn´t suck is Guitar Hero but my hands are too clumsy on most days so it´s just frustrating). Learning Dutch? Yeaahh, I´m having trouble with German on most days so this is also getting too hard (and I know all important sentences anyway. Pardon, ik ben een appel. Word.). I´m already seriously considering painting mandalas. You smell that? That´s serious boredom my friends. And a whiff of desperation. Thank you Marc Randolph and Reed Hastings for giving us Netflix or I would be tearing out my hair out of boredom! Oh yeah, wait...

That´s me when not getting chemo or blood. Well, minus the hair.

At the moment it´s just me and my demon. Like everyday. At least we have the same taste in TV shows (he´s a Brony thank heavens! Or is it Drony? o0). But he´s no fun to talk to. And he keeps reminding me that I´m sick. Jerk.
I may no longer be on Facebook but I´m still here though. So if you got the time, pick up your phone and write a short text, will you? My days are veeeeery long and your text might just make my day. :)

P.S.: If you got so much time on your hands as I do and you basically can´t move what´s better to do than watch The Lord of the Rings Extended version for the umptieth time? Right, nothing cause it´s awesome (and easily killing over 12 hours ;)). I noticed though I may look more like Gollum I´m more like Frodo (I also have the hairy feet of a Hobbit. Just kidding. Of course those hair also fell off from Chemo ;)). He just got the f***ing Ring by bad luck and everyone else is relieved that it´s not them. Nobody ever asked him whether or not he wanted to be the Ring-bearer and still he needs to make a dangerous and long journey he never wanted to make. I´m pretty sure he also never wanted to see Mount Doom from close-up. But he has no choice but going that way and noone else can actually help him bearing that burden. And the Ring changes him, is trying to consume him. But in the end he can destroy it. So here´s hoping!